Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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