I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My life is pants optional.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
