At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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