honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize