she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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