Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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