it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
