We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
