Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
