and she was petting her beer can
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
