i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
