Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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