do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The power of my boobs compel you
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
