everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
