Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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