Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
