If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
