I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
