think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
