I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
