dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
