how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
