this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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