i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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