420 ftw
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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