We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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