I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
