what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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