So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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