worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
