I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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