I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
