You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
