My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I could fuck to npr.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
