From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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