dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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