so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
