do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
