all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
