It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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