The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That accounts for only three of the penises
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If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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