I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
