I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
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I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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