I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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