No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
