(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can feel your judgement through the phone
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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