i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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