dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
