you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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