Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
