Define "chronic" masturbator.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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