(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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