just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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