why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
