When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
