I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
