Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
