It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
