She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
