That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
