Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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