All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
