I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
