Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this is an emotional support booty call
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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