Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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