what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
