Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
